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What is wrong with me? Why do I always need Validation from everyone but mostly men... Everyone keeps telling me to be single, be alone, and make your self happy. But All those things sound so fucking scary to me. all I want is him. I want him to hold me, I want him to love me, I want him to tell me it's ok, I want him to look me in the eyes and let me know I'm accepted. Why? Because I can't accept myself. For some reason in my head I'm just not fucking good enough. Not good enough for him or Her or anyone else. And if it's not him I just look for the "next" him, or her Why can't I just look for the next me? Find me and accept me. Was it because I was molested my whole life. Exposed to sex at such a young age it's all I know how to offer to the world...or is it because I was raised to think I wasn't good enough. Not good enough for her or anything else. But it doesn't matter what happened to me.. What matters is whats happening to me right now. I can't blame my childhood, in fact I can't blame anyone for anything. All I can do is blame me. I blame me for not loving myself. I blame me for not thinking I'm attractive, I blame me for putting this on everyone around me. Expecting people to love me enough for me to love myself. But at the end of the day that will never happen. Because the only way to get to your end goal is to work through it. Not around or above or try and find a cheat code so you don't have to hurt as much. You have to hurt in this world. Hurting, loving, and accepting. That's what our emotional world lays on. Right now I only have one of those things. Can you guess what it is? Hurting. Right now I only hurt...but I'm not hurting for other people no I'm only hurting myself. By not loving me and by not accepting me. Usually these free handed writing bits..they have an end, but I don't have an end. I'm still figuring it out as always. So is that ok? Is it ok to know what your end goal Is but absolutely no way or idea how to achieve it. It's probably not but I can only start by accepting it. This poem is about mommy and daddy and me and you ❤️ #thelifeofawannabemogul 

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If you don’t know it learn it Learn it Love it Strive with it Forget it Learn it again And again until u know it And the moment u know it Stop because you’ll never know it fully Once you think you have learned everything u have started back at square one And now you have learned nothing. There is no roof There is not celling The box doesn’t have a top The box is lid less Now learn it again. #thelifeofawannabemogul 

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  • 2 days ago

Pride I wish I wasn’t in a box I wish they would Let me fly I wish they could see how beautiful all the colors are up here in the sky. The big and shiny and bright ones, their all the things I love. I wish they could feel the radiance that exudes thru me from being my most self. I guess I didn’t think this thru Why they wouldn’t love me.. or you? I wish they could understand why me and not she or he or them. That this is my decision of who I am. I wish they could see me With a lidless box. I wish they could see me. Maybe not today or tomorrow Maybe when they do time will stop And then I’ll be free of this disgusting box. #thelifeofawannabemogul 

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  • 4 days ago

“What inspired me to make the movie was basically thinking about this relationship between a male and a female, and this fight over dominance and how much that relates to us in our general world besides in a sexual scenario," —— "If you think that porn is uncomfortable, I’m sorry that you are uncomfortable," Thorne continued. "But don’t make other people feel uncomfortable for being okay with it." Him & Her will debut next month at Germany's Oldenburg Film Festival. - quotes by me #thelifeofawannabemogul 

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  • 5 days ago

Staring Abella danger and small hands so excited to work w @pornhub  and bring a new perspective to sex in film ❤️ #thelifeofawannabemogul  HER&HIM

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Thank u so much to Oldenburg for believing in my vision and understanding the beauty and stigma behind sex... first of many!! So happy to be here #thelifeofawannabemogul 

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  • 6 days ago

TOP LEADING INDIE FEST✅ first time directing ✅ first time writing ✅ so excited to grow more in this lane ❤️ #thelifeofawannabemogul 

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  • 6 days ago

Goodmorning 🔥

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  • 1 week ago

Come meet me at the grove tomorrow!!! 7 pm come hear me read new parts of my book ❤️❤️ #thelifeofawannabemogul  link in my bio IN LA

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  • 1 week ago

Date night vs. staying in 😍😍 u choose. U already know my fave 😍

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My perfect girl❤️❤️ so happy I found my other half, thank u for making me realize who I am inside. We met when we were 13-14 and now babygurl is growing up !!!! Ahhhh HAPPY BIRTHDAY

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Beach days Saturday days ❤️ #thelifeofawannabemogul 

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